Brandon shook his head as Tom and Sara skipped off to the playground. They had invited him to join them but he just couldn't bear their company one minute longer. Farmer Fun and the Funtime Furry Friends? He spat on the pavement in disgust.Glancing up, he saw a rather insipid looking man walking towards him, a grown up version of Tom. He lowered his head expecting to be admonished, but the man stared through him vacantly.
Brandon spat again. If there was one thing he hated, it was being ignored.
The man sighed. "What does it all mean, eh? What's going on? Why are we here?"
Brandon looked at the man in disgust. He was clearly insane. "You're Tom and Sara's dad, right?" he said.
"Right..." replied the man. He nodded, first rather doubtfully then with increasing enthusiasm. "You're right. I'm a dad, a father. I'm Ray Plastic. I have a place in this world, if not for me then for my children." He took Brandon's hand and shook it. "Thank you, thank you. You have the wisdom of youth and the... the..." He looked Brandon up and down. "The acne of truth. Come inside. My home is your home."
Brandon struggled in vain as Ray steered him into the house. They were met by a vocal assault that sounded like three dogs locked in a shed within smelling distance of a steak sandwich.
"That's beautiful, darling," Ray enthused. "My wife and her new friends," he explained to Brandon. "They're rehearsing." Mary, Joss and Joss's sister Wendy were dancing round the room and clicking their fingers. Sweat dripped from their foreheads.
Brandon threw himself into the chair as Uterus began another number.
"I'm gonna have a hot flush, baby this evening,
Gonna have a hot flush, baby tonight!"
"Cool," said Brandon. Mary Plastic was slotting into the community far too easily, he frowned to himself. "Someone's out of tune," he said. "You, the fat blonde one."
Mary looked distraught. Brandon smirked to himself.
"Let's try again, darling," said Joss firmly. "And this time, listen to me."
Uterus sang again. Suddenly the dogs in the shed were gone. Three larks flew through the sky, warbling joyously.
"That was fantastic!" breathed Wendy when they'd finished. "Well done, Mary. And thanks, Brandon. You've really made a difference. I think we've got a chance of winning Battle of the Bands after all, girls!"
Brandon slunk out, cursing. What had he done?
"And Brandon?" Ray called from the front door.
Brandon turned around, scowling.
"Thanks for the advice earlier. You've really changed my outlook. I think we're going to be happy here after all."
Brandon swore violently.
